Okay, so car maintenance checklist—man, I literally started typing this while sitting in my 2012 Honda Civic in a random Tacoma parking lot because the check engine light just came on AGAIN. Like, seriously, why does this car hate me specifically? I’m a grown-ass adult living in the US, supposedly have my shit together, but here I am Googling “why does my car smell like burnt toast” for the third time this year.
My Monthly Car Maintenance Checklist (Because I Can’t Afford AAA Forever)
Every month I swear I’m gonna be better, but honestly? It’s usually me panicking on the 28th when I realize rent’s due and oh shit, when did I last check anything? My monthly car maintenance checklist is basically damage control at this point.
- Pop the hood and stare at stuff like I know what I’m doing (pro tip: I don’t)
- Check oil level with the dipstick—mine’s always low because I leak like a 40-year-old man after tacos
- Top off washer fluid because Washington roads are perpetually disgusting
- Tire pressure check with that shitty gauge I bought at Harbor Freight that lies sometimes
- Walk around and kick the tires literally because my dad taught me that and I’m too scared to stop
Last month I forgot the tire pressure thing and ended up driving to Portland on a donut spare because one tire decided to explode outside Olympia. Fun times.
Quarterly Car Maintenance Checklist That I Actually Kinda Do (When My Bank Account Allows)
Quarterly stuff hits different because it’s like, “Oh cool, I have to spend $200 on shit I can’t see.” My quarterly car maintenance checklist lives in my Notes app under “Adulting I Hate” right between “call mom” and “figure out taxes.”
- Rotate tires myself in the driveway while yelling at YouTube tutorials
- Change air filter because the last one looked like it inhaled a small forest
- Brake inspection where I just… look at them dramatically through the wheels
- Wiper blades because nothing says “responsible adult” like not dying in Seattle rain
True story: Last quarter I tried rotating tires and dropped a lug nut into a storm drain. Spent 45 minutes fishing it out with a magnet on a string while my neighbor filmed me for TikTok. I’m famous now, I think. Anyway,
Yearly Car Maintenance Checklist (The One That Makes Me Question Capitalism)
Yearly car maintenance checklist time is when I pretend I’m gonna take it to a shop but actually just do everything myself while stress-eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos in the AutoZone parking lot.
- Battery terminal cleaning (mine look like abstract art made of corrosion)
- Full fluid flush because apparently cars drink more than I do
- Belt inspection where I poke them and pray
- Alignment check that I never actually do because $150 what???
The battery thing though—last year mine was so corroded it looked like a damn science project. Cleaned it with baking soda and a toothbrush while wearing my ex’s old “World’s Okayest Driver” shirt. Realized halfway through that the shirt was ironically accurate. Here’s a solid battery maintenance guide from AAA if you’re smarter than me.
Look, my car maintenance checklist isn’t perfect. It’s held together with zip ties, hope, and that one YouTube channel run by a guy in Ohio who swears a lot. Sometimes I forget months entirely and just pray to the car gods. But somehow this 180,000-mile Civic keeps going, probably out of spite.
Anyway, if you’re like me and your idea of car care is panic-Googling at 2am, start with the monthly stuff. Just do it. Your future self stuck on I-5 in rush hour will thank you. Drop your own horror stories below—I need to know I’m not alone in this mechanical hellscape.
Oh wait, and definitely bookmark this post because you’ll forget everything I just said by next month. Trust me, I already did. Peace out. 🚗💀
